safe

(i can't decide if this is micro post or macro post, and won't be able to i write and post the next piece i am working on. but i'd love to hear what you think.)

It’s something I am realizing that does not apply to me, or anyone in (the) Diaspora*, for that matter. Because all around the world, safe is for those in power, for those benefiting (READ: white, American/1st World, owning class, middle class, straight, able-bodied, etc.) from the status quo, whether they know it or not. For example, safe** here in Brasil, so very visible, means locks, gates, barbed wires, military-like police armed with machine guns. But after 20 years of being conditioned by the NYPD, and over 500 years of being policed, I still feel that my physical well-being is at risk. It was actually terrifying when I first got here. For the first time, I was on the inside of the gates, my American and educational privilege placed me there. And although that is very real, my new position with concern to these gates, I know it is very superficial, temporary and fickle. And even within them, I don’t feel protected or free from the possibility of danger or assault, I still don’t feel safe. And what about my people on the outside of those gates? If part of what the way that I understand myself as an African, Person of Color*** means that I understand me as we, then what is safety if it’s only one of us, and not our entire communities? I know that I am bordering on sounding like the romantic, idealistic, and well removed from the practical basics revolutionary, but seriously. Until we are all (safe), none of us are. Because there will always exist the moment where the fingers and systems pulling the hand on triggers, taking away our food and violently extracting our labor, won’t bother to note the difference on what side of the gate that I/we are standing****.

*Yes, I am rethinking of what this means. But to avoid a really long post, I will just save those thoughts for conversation.
**The part of society that placed those protections there, is safe. The part of society that was deprived of their basic necessities and freedoms for the profit of the first part, is not safe. In fact, we are never safe. It is a (false) luxury, based on the construction of fear. And us Americans, should know (false) fear very well. If drives us to consume ~30% of the world’s resources.
***Also rethinking this, post to come soon.
****Whoa! I know. I just re-read this and thought to myself, you are lucky enough to have that “superficial, temporary and fickle” shield of safety and protection. For the purpose of time, organization and a reasonable length-wise post, I am saving my observations, analyses and feelings about all these contradictions in myself for a separate post. But still. Comment as you see fit. I want/need to learn from you too!!!

micro, macro and then the choice

This past year has been one of tremendous personal, social and political growth. I've realized a lot of things about myself, other people and American society in general. Being here in Brasil is helping me take a step back from a lot of the things that I was learning before I got here and throw a shit load of perspective on it. Lately, I've been thinking about micro and macro levels, relevant to me, and from this point forward, I will try to clearly state when I am speaking from which one.

Micro: For all intents and purposes, let's stick with Swarthmore*. For the past two years, Swarthmore has given me the space to seriously take a look at America, the one I'm from, the one where I study and my travels between the two. In the midst of all of this motion, I picked up language that gave me the tremendous power to articulate my hunches about race, class, gender, sexuality, etc. and in turn gave me the tools to work threw it on personal and interpersonal levels. By the latter part of my journey, I made a conscious decision. Instead of wading threw all of the [insert system of oppression]-ist shit out there (Read: any [insert identity that benefits from said system of oppression] space), I would work inwards. Try to learn the history of, remove outer, imposed poisons, build and strengthen what we have, and last, but not least, love it/me/us for what/who it/me/we are. Not bad progress for ~3 years, eh? That despite** existing at the intersection of all these oppressions, I will find the beauty and strength in it.

Macro: But what about my privileges? Whether I like it or not***, the nationality on my passport reads American. I have an American passport. That is some serious shit, be a human on this earth, in 2009 and have that paper as ID. Not only that, but I am American with some education privilege (cause we know that is not ubiqutously a means of social mobility, but more a means of maitaining the status quo) and serious social mobility as a result of it. I know, I hear the chorus of voices... working class, womyn, black, these are all things that seriously alter what being an American means for me. And I agree with you, they have. But I can't hear those voices when I am walking across Praca de Se no Pelorinho and the first of several 8, 9, 10 year old Black children taps my arm and begs me for food because she is hungry. I can't hear that voice when I am scolded for trying to wash my own dish and told that the maid, well within earshot, and the only other Black person in the house, will do it. Is the solidarity that I center my life and politics around felt when I don't give money and I don't wash that dish? Of course not. Shit, I would not feel that.

So, the Choice: Ok. Now what? There is a lot of shit to be done in the United States. But if we are honest with ourselves, there is so much more to be done outside of it (which is so painstakingly obvious, and something I cannot forget here in Brasil). I'm really trying to push you and push myself. I have not experienced poverty in either context, so my voice should really not be at the center of this conversation. So then, I speak to those, like myself, who are further from the re-centered center of this struggle and conversation than they realized: If you fancy yourself an activist. If you like to think of yourself as giving a shit, as wanting liberation for all poor people and all people of color, I have some questions for you (and me): Are you macro or micro? Can you really be both micro and macro without reinforcing what you are trying to deconstruct? Realistically and responsibly, is it possible not to be both micro and macro, given our context and the lofty goals we have in mind? How do we resist getting sucked into the micro, while recognizing the real everyday struggles (and liberations) that micro can bring? How can we work on a macro level, without losing hope or becoming paternalistic (for example, an accessible possibility for me and any other American with education priviliege. How? Will the non-profit idustrial complex please stand up?)?

So, the Answer: I honestly have no fucking clue.

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* For those of you unfamiliar with it, imagine very white, very wealthy and at the same time a very small, very strong (activist) community of color.
** Hate using despite here, but for the point I want to make, kind of necessary because of the context in which I understood myself.
*** I know we all had/have ish idenitifying as an American. Especially before November 4th. Because if you have been historically and systemically denied the rights of an American, are not culturally accepted as an American, and rotinuely excluded in the American dominant discourse, how could you possibly be an American?

And Yet Another Blog Of Mine

Bom dia!!!

To all my friends, family and acquaintances that may stumble across this blog:

This is just another space for me to hash out a lot of the things that I am seeing, thinking and trying to make sense of here in Brasil. A lot of it is stuff I've slowly started to think of before I arrived, but only thrust into my radar and thought processes as I spend more and more time here. Feel free to comment, challenge, question and leave words of support. I welcome all, with the usual exceptions (see here).

I am not using So So Serious because within my current context and expanding perspective, I do not believe that my observations and thoughts that being in Brasil have prompted belong in that space. But we'll see how that goes.

Bejos e abracos,
Sable